Happy Birthday, Sam!

One year ago today, we got to hold our third little boy for the very first time! What a blessing he has been to us this past year! Here he is on his birth day! Samuel Isaiah Cunningham, born November 30, 2009. 7 lbs, 10 oz.

One month old. Love those eyes!

2 months. Smiley little Sammy! Ever since the first time he cracked a smile, he has been the smiliest baby I've ever known.

3 months. He is very animated with his facial expressions!

4 months. All bundled up to go to the Ice Park.

5 months old. This was his first Easter!

6 months old. It is finally warm enough for Sam to hang out outside!

7 months. Watching his big brothers play at the playground.

8 months old.

9 months.

10 months. Look at this sweet face!

11 months. Our lil' punkin'!

And here he is-one year old. Slow down, Sammy! You're growing much too fast!

1 Samuel 1:27 I
prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.

Isaiah 54:13 All
your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's
peace.

I have 5 unexpectedly free minutes!

Oh, hi! I was supposed to be really busy today (and I still have a lot to do!), but some of my plans got canceled, so I thought I'd take a minute to blog!

Quick update on each of the boys:

1. Caleb: Finished his AWANA book already!! Go, Caleb! They were entering all the kids who were half-way through their books in a drawing to win a giant lolli-pop soon, so I was really proud of Caleb for being through the entire book already. And the cool thing is that he sits down and studies his verses by himself. I don't have to make him do it, or really even coach him though it anymore.

2. Nate: 99.5 % potty-trained! Woohoo! It is such a relief to only have to worry about one set of diapers. Now, for the other .5% of the time that Nate is not perfectly potty-trained, we still have pull-ups. But that problem only happens at night, and even that is happening less and less. Most mornings he wakes up dry and goes potty on his own without any prompting from me.

3. Sam: Walking!! Cutest thing EVER. I love the little baby-toddle. And his cloth diapers make for a nice, thick padding when he takes those hard falls onto his little butt.

And an update on me and Eric:

We are doing well. Deployment is really starting to bare down on us. I know it's still a few months away, but I also know that that time will go quickly and will also be full of a lot of work, preparation and training for Eric.

I feel like I've really turned a corner when it comes to the anxiety. It doesn't rule my entire existence anymore. I have the occasional moment where something (like the idea of an entire YEAR without my husband) will hit me particularly hard and I'll need to cry or at least take some deep breaths. But I'm able to do it and move on now, rather than getting stuck in that panicky state like I used to.

One thing that is helping me in HUGE ways is Protestant Women of the Chapel (PWOC). It's a group of Christian Army wives who meet at the chapel every week for praise and worship, food, fellowship and Bible study. I don't even know how to describe how good it feels to go somewhere and worship God, study the Bible and talk about life with so many women that I know are going through the exact same thing that I am. I look forward to it all week now, and I am so thankful that God led me there!

And last but not least, we put up our Christmas trees!!! I love Christmas trees! And don't be a Scrooge and tell me it's too early. This is our first year in our own home, and we were excited about it. Also, Christmas is going to be a little blue next year, without Daddy, so I figure we might as well enjoy it to the fullest while we're all together!

Dear Deployment,

I see you, hiding over there in Springtime. You're trying to sneak up on me. You want to jump out when I least expect it and scare me so bad I can't focus on anything but how scared I am of you.

Well, I have something to say to you. Give it up. You may have ruled my life these past 2 years. I may have lived in fear of you, and spent most of my time trying to hide from you. Pretending you would go away if I just ignored you or got mad enough.

No more. I have finally acknowledged the fact that you are coming. I have accepted the reality of what that means for my family. And I have acknowledged and accepted all the things that might happen after you get here.

And guess what? I'm not afraid of you anymore. I am claiming victory over the fear, hurt and anxiety that you have brought into my life ever since I found out you were coming, and I will have that victory, because I asked Jesus to give it to me.

That doesn't mean that it will be easy. It doesn't mean I won't miss Eric or worry about him, or cry or get mad. But it does mean that I can have peace, deep-down where it really matters. Peace that no matter what happens, there is ultimately a good ending for all of us. Nothing that can happen during deployment will be the end of me, my family, or my husband. The marriage that we have built, the family that we've made-those can never be taken from me, either.

Raising 3 little boys by myself for a year while my husband is on the ground in a foreign country fighting a war is going to be hard. Not knowing where Eric is or what he's doing or if he's ok is going to be hard. Not being able to talk to him or lean on him for support like a wife should be able to do with her husband is going to be hard. The wife of a deployed soldier is going to be a tough role to play. But I know that my God didn't give me a role that He isn't big enough to sustain me through.

So yeah, Deployment, you're big, dark, scary and ugly. But you're nothing but a boogieman, and in the words of Junior Asparagus,

"God is bigger than the boogieman".