The Ammo Bearer

Today was the Spring Kick-Off of Protestant Women of the Chapel! I have been looking forward to it ever since the last time PWOC met, before Christmas. They had a breakfast buffet set up and table for us all to sit at and eat. So we ate and talked, and then we sang some songs. This semester's Bible study leaders got up and gave descriptions of the several different studies that are being offered. And then one of the women got up to speak.

She is the wife of an infantry officer who is in Eric's chain of command, which I think is incredibly cool. There are actually a lot of women who work with Eric who also go to PWOC, and also to our church. We have been very blessed to be surrounded by so many Christians!

Anyway, she gave a talk about being prepared. Many of us in the room are facing deployment very soon, and that can definitely feel like a looming crisis. And even those who are not facing deployment at this time are still facing other challenges as military wives. And the type of preparation she was talking about was knowing how to fully rely on God to get you through, rather than trying to learn how to do that in the midst of the crisis. She shared an analogy that really struck me, which her infantry husband had given her.

The guy who shoots the really big gun on top of the stryker or tank is called the gunner. He carries a belt of ammunition that contains just enough ammunition for him to shoot for 15 seconds. He does not carry enough ammunition by himself to get him through a battle. Only just the very beginning, and then he runs out.

But there is a man who stands beside him, called the "ammo bearer". He has all the ammunition the gunner will need to get him through whatever battle he is fighting, and he feeds it to him as he needs it. If the gunner were to try to fight the battle without his ammo bearer, he would quickly be overwhelmed.

God is our ammo bearer. He is right there beside us, giving us the ammo that we need to get through whatever battles we need to fight. What an awesome picture! What a comfort! So often (more and more often, the closer deployment gets), I have moments of overwhelmed panic at my absolute inability to handle things on my own. The words, "I can't, I can't, I can't" go through my mind over and over and over. I feel two inches tall-completely inadequate for the task. Completely emotionally overwhelmed. But with God beside me, giving me exactly what I need to get through every difficult situation, I can have such amazing comfort, because I know that I don't have to be adequate. I don't have to be able to do it alone. God did not create me to be fully adequate on my own-He made me to need Him. I will never be alone. My Ammo Bearer will be beside me the whole time. "I can't, I can't, I can't...but that's ok."

She said, "God is contstantly bringing us to a place of, 'I can't do this', and that's where he wants us to be...It's so easy to get to the end of what we can do ourselves, but it is impossible to get to the end of what the Holy Spirit can do".

And then she held up a toy army man, and said that there was one at each of our place settings. She said that she was going to put that army man on her key chain, so that whenever she reached for her keys, she would be reminded of her Ammo Bearer, and that she is never, ever alone.

Me, too.

Sunday Afternoon Revelations...

1. Pull-on boots which I tuck my pants legs into are the winter-equivalent of flip-flops. Easy, comfortable, and they go with everything.

2. I can sometimes gauge what the temperature is according to how fast my exposed skin starts to sting when I'm outside. Today I guessed 0, and it was actually -2. Go me!

3. The first time in winter that you notice the sun coming up high enough over the horizon to look bright yellow is a huge mood-lifter! I noticed it today when we left church and it made me feel so optimistic. Even the fears about upcoming deployment seem a little bit smaller with the sun shining on them!

4. This is the most beautiful place, and I am so thankful that we get to live here! It's amazing! Always changing, sometimes challenging, always beautiful.

A Little's Boy's Understanding

We have been discussing deployment with Caleb for some time now, preparing him for it. I think he understands pretty well what it is, what Eric will be doing, and how long he will be gone. We used the time between birthdays as an example to put it into perspective for him.

But Nate has only just turned 3, and until very recently, I was pretty sure he was not able to understand the concept at all. In the past few weeks, he has started asking some questions, though. Mostly after hearing Caleb ask Eric (for the millionth time), if he really has to be gone for a whole year, or if it can just be a few weeks? A few weeks ago, Caleb was talking to Eric about Afghanistan, and Nate joined in. He asked if Daddy was going "dancing with Sam". We didn't get it at first. Huh/ Dancing with Sam? But then Nate said, "Daddy, are you going dancing with Sam to fight bad guys?"

Ohhhhhhh. Dancing-with-Sam = Afghanistan.

Go ahead and cry. I did.

Another example: Today I asked Nate if he knows what Afghanistan is now. He said yes, so I asked him what, and he just ignored the question, like he does sometimes. So I asked him if he knew what Daddy was going to be doing there. He said, "Getting us some pwesents!". Sigh. Ok, so how long is Daddy going to be gone? "Until we open them!".

And my first thought after that was, "We better make sure Eric is able to have some presents with him when he comes home", because the thought of poor little Nate just not understanding what is going to happen hurts my heart and I don't want to think about it. He will be old enough to understand that Daddy is never around, but not old enough to understand why, or that he will eventually come back. I won't be able to give him any perspective on how much longer it will be.

I'm worried for all three of the boys. I don't want them to be sad and hurting and confused. I want to be able to make this tough time as easy on them as possible. I guess I need to pray for God to give me wisdom to help them understand and to comfort them. If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for all the little military children. They go through such hard times while they are so little.

A Moose and His Toy

Moose is turning out to be a very interesting little guy! It's been pretty cool getting to know him. I was a little nervous when we brought him home because I had no idea what to expect from him and no idea what kind of life he had before. Would he be trained to do anything? Would he have psychological problems from being horribly mistreated? Would he be nervous around people because he was neglected? Would his time spent in the shelter have given him any issues (it is incredibly loud in there!). Would he even be house-broken?

So many questions! But we are gradually getting answers. He doesn't appear to have any serious problems, aside from the submissive urination, which isn't too much of a problem. He is very friendly and affectionate and seems pretty intelligent. I can tell he already loves our family, and he is protective of us and the house.

When we picked him up from the animal hospital, I took a toy that I bought at Walmart for a dollar to give him in the car. I bought such a cheap one because I wasn't sure if he would like it, but I wanted him to have something that didn't have Baxter's smell on it. Well, Moose and that little toy have been inseparable ever since! He takes it everywhere. Even outside to do his non-submissive urinating and other business. Today, I noticed him sitting by the back door for a long time after I had just let him out, and when I finally let him go back out again, he trotted right up to a mound of snow and pulled his toy out of it. He had left it out there and wanted it back! He got a little distracted with some various smells, and left it again when I called him to come in. At first I was like, "Great, now I'm going to have to freeze to death going to get that thing for him because I know he'll want it, and there's no way I can get him to realize that he forgot it", but then I decided to try something crazy, just for the heck of it.

"Moose!", I said. "You forgot your toy!". He stopped in his tracks and did a total cartoon-dog "huh??", with his head cocked to the side and ears perked up, one paw up off the ground. And then I watched in total amazement as he turned around and went back for it! I could not believe he just understood what I said! Cool, right?! I experimented with it a few more times during the day-asking him where his toy was-and he went to get it every time

In other funny-things-Moose-does-with-his-toy news, he likes to carry it around with him, as I mentioned before. Very often, I will be trying to give him a treat and you can just see him struggling with the choice he has to make-hold the toy, or put it down and have a tasty treat? Until today, he would eventually drop the toy, but today he figured out that if he opens his mouth just a little bit, he can keep the toy in there and slowly pull the treat out of my hand. And thus I have determined that Moose is an excellent problem-solver.

I think that's pretty cool, especially since Baxter has only ever been interested in playing with dirty socks. And occasionally a flip-flop.

Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm kind of with smitten him. He's a pretty awesome Moose.

:)

There's a Moose in My House!!!

Welcome home, Moose!

As I mentioned before, we adopted a new family member! His name is Moose, he's a wirehaired dachshund, and he's been with us for almost a week. So far, he is a perfect fit!

He's definitely not what we started out looking for, but I guess God had other plans! Originally, I wanted a big, scary-looking and (most importantly) lazy dog to make us feel safe while Eric is gone. It was important to me not to have to start from scratch training a puppy (I do not have time!), so I was looking for an adult dog, at least 2 and preferably 3 or 4 years old. So I started watching Craigslist, the classifieds, and the Fairbanks shelter's website for dogs that might be a good match. And then I happened to scroll past a picture of Moose.

This looks like a big, scary guard dog, right? Right??

Ok, so not really. But no matter what other dogs I looked at, I just kept coming back to the picture of Moose. And eventually I decided to go check him out, because I just couldn't resist that sweet face. It was love at first sight. I met him at the shelter and I didn't even have to think about it that long. I signed the paperwork and Moose came home the next day, after being sent to the animal hospital to be neutered.

They have told us that he's about 2 years old. He is very friendly and happy, and appears to be house trained, except for the occasional submissive urination incident (do not scare Moose, please. At least not on the carpet). It was a little testy at first, introducing him to Baxter, but they are pretty good buddies now. They are pretty much always together. Moose loves the boys, and the boys love Moose. The shelter told me he would have to warm up to the small childen, but he seemed to take to them right away. They don't even make him pee. :)

He is pretty calm, and loves to play with squeaky toys. His favorite game is fetch, and he will sit up and beg you to throw his toy for as long as it takes. And he has the best dog eyebrows I've ever seen!

So, maybe not a guard dog, but that's ok! Welcome home, Moose!

And for anyone in Fairbanks who is looking for a dog, please go to the shelter! It is such a quick, easy process, not nearly as expensive as buying a purebred puppy, and they have so many sweet dogs!

Back to the Grind

Sigh. Block leave is over tomorrow. It's depressing.



We had such a nice time. We started with a trip to Chena Hot Springs for just me and Eric. Our good friends kept the boys for us, and we had an awesome time! Then we went to see the new Narnia movie with friends, went Christmas Eve ice skating and to the candllelight service at church. Christmas morning-watched the boys open all their presents, and then had Christmas dinner with good friends. Then Eric and I got to go see Tron in 3D at the IMAX, which was absolutely amazing! And we did a lot of resting and hanging out! Went down to the shelter and adopted our newest family member, Moose the wirehaired dachshund, who is fitting in beautifully! We did some more resting and hanging out, went New Year's Eve ice skating and then had dinner out with friends and then went home for a low-key New Year's Eve together. We spent New Year's Day with more wonderful friends, having a delicious dinner and playing cards, and now here we are on the last day of leave.



Sigh. Back to getting up really early, running around like crazy all day and not seeing a whole lot of Daddy. And we have a month or so of that before Eric has to leave for a longish training exercise that I have no idea what to expect from. And then of course, not long after that is over will come the deployment. Double sigh.



I know you're supposed to be optimistic and excited about what a new year can bring, but thinking about the year that we are facing makes me feel tired, sad, and lonely. Just being honest! I am trying to have faith that God is in control and that that this will work for our good somehow, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a daily struggle. I just don't want to have my family pulled apart for so long. It hurts to think about it.



But God IS in control, and He WILL use these circumstances for good! I just need to remember that. If anyone is wondering how to pray for us, pray that we will be able to remember that. Pray that God will give us the strength to get through whatever is coming our way and that we will be able to be a testimony to His love and power.