We were dreading the time apart, like we always do, but we were also pretty excited for the awesome training opportunity we knew Eric and his unit would get. He learned a lot and it went really well-I am so proud of him and the soldiers he works with!
The last 2 weeks of the training were the hardest on me because we had almost no contact with each other. Eric has had to leave for months at a time before, but we have always had reliable communication, and it was very different to not be able to speak to him. It started feeling wierd after a while-to have no idea where he was or what was going on with him, or how he was feeling. To not be able to share with him anything that was happening here. I started to feel disconnected, and it was a little scary, because one of the best things about our relationship (I think, anyway) is how connected and in-tune with each other's feelings we are. I wouldn't say we've been that way through our entire 9-year marriage, since it was something we had to work very hard to build up, but it has been that way probably for at least 4 or 5 years. Our closeness is something that I really cherish because we worked so hard for it, and I didn't like the feeling of it changing.
Our lives have changed so significantly in the past year. Eric used to have a "day job", with occasional TDY or schools. The amount of time that he's had to be gone since we moved here is completely new to us, and it's been a huge adjustment. What makes it harder to adjust to is that I know it's just the tip of the iceberg. The deployment will be 100 times harder. And it's very likely that we will go through several deployments in the time that Eric has left in the Army. It's our new reality, and I'm struggling to accept it. Every day I have at least one thought of "why can't we just go back to the way things were" or "why can't he just be a banker or something".
But he wouldn't be Eric if he wasn't doing what he's doing, and I love Eric just the way he is. And God has led us to this point in our lives, and if it's what he wants us to do, then we are going to do it the best that we can. We were talking last night, and it occurred to me that the decision we made together to come to this duty station, knowing he would be deployed, was the first time in my life that I have ever chosen to do something that I was absolutely terrified of and didn't want to do. I told Eric I wish every day that I could take that choice back, but if I actually had the option in front of me to take it back, I know that I wouldn't. It's right. I just know that it's the right choice, so we keep moving forward, doing what we can to prepare and trying to trust God when he says that He has a purpose for us--a good purpose.
We are looking forward to having more time together for a few months before he has to leave for more training, and then for deployment. There are some long weekends coming up, and I can't tell you how awesome those sound to me right now!
Time with my husband...there's nothing better. :)
