1. Pull-on boots which I tuck my pants legs into are the winter-equivalent of flip-flops. Easy, comfortable, and they go with everything.
2. I can sometimes gauge what the temperature is according to how fast my exposed skin starts to sting when I'm outside. Today I guessed 0, and it was actually -2. Go me!
3. The first time in winter that you notice the sun coming up high enough over the horizon to look bright yellow is a huge mood-lifter! I noticed it today when we left church and it made me feel so optimistic. Even the fears about upcoming deployment seem a little bit smaller with the sun shining on them!
4. This is the most beautiful place, and I am so thankful that we get to live here! It's amazing! Always changing, sometimes challenging, always beautiful.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
A Little's Boy's Understanding
We have been discussing deployment with Caleb for some time now, preparing him for it. I think he understands pretty well what it is, what Eric will be doing, and how long he will be gone. We used the time between birthdays as an example to put it into perspective for him.
But Nate has only just turned 3, and until very recently, I was pretty sure he was not able to understand the concept at all. In the past few weeks, he has started asking some questions, though. Mostly after hearing Caleb ask Eric (for the millionth time), if he really has to be gone for a whole year, or if it can just be a few weeks? A few weeks ago, Caleb was talking to Eric about Afghanistan, and Nate joined in. He asked if Daddy was going "dancing with Sam". We didn't get it at first. Huh/ Dancing with Sam? But then Nate said, "Daddy, are you going dancing with Sam to fight bad guys?"
Ohhhhhhh. Dancing-with-Sam = Afghanistan.
Go ahead and cry. I did.
Another example: Today I asked Nate if he knows what Afghanistan is now. He said yes, so I asked him what, and he just ignored the question, like he does sometimes. So I asked him if he knew what Daddy was going to be doing there. He said, "Getting us some pwesents!". Sigh. Ok, so how long is Daddy going to be gone? "Until we open them!".
And my first thought after that was, "We better make sure Eric is able to have some presents with him when he comes home", because the thought of poor little Nate just not understanding what is going to happen hurts my heart and I don't want to think about it. He will be old enough to understand that Daddy is never around, but not old enough to understand why, or that he will eventually come back. I won't be able to give him any perspective on how much longer it will be.
I'm worried for all three of the boys. I don't want them to be sad and hurting and confused. I want to be able to make this tough time as easy on them as possible. I guess I need to pray for God to give me wisdom to help them understand and to comfort them. If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for all the little military children. They go through such hard times while they are so little.
But Nate has only just turned 3, and until very recently, I was pretty sure he was not able to understand the concept at all. In the past few weeks, he has started asking some questions, though. Mostly after hearing Caleb ask Eric (for the millionth time), if he really has to be gone for a whole year, or if it can just be a few weeks? A few weeks ago, Caleb was talking to Eric about Afghanistan, and Nate joined in. He asked if Daddy was going "dancing with Sam". We didn't get it at first. Huh/ Dancing with Sam? But then Nate said, "Daddy, are you going dancing with Sam to fight bad guys?"
Ohhhhhhh. Dancing-with-Sam = Afghanistan.
Go ahead and cry. I did.
Another example: Today I asked Nate if he knows what Afghanistan is now. He said yes, so I asked him what, and he just ignored the question, like he does sometimes. So I asked him if he knew what Daddy was going to be doing there. He said, "Getting us some pwesents!". Sigh. Ok, so how long is Daddy going to be gone? "Until we open them!".
And my first thought after that was, "We better make sure Eric is able to have some presents with him when he comes home", because the thought of poor little Nate just not understanding what is going to happen hurts my heart and I don't want to think about it. He will be old enough to understand that Daddy is never around, but not old enough to understand why, or that he will eventually come back. I won't be able to give him any perspective on how much longer it will be.
I'm worried for all three of the boys. I don't want them to be sad and hurting and confused. I want to be able to make this tough time as easy on them as possible. I guess I need to pray for God to give me wisdom to help them understand and to comfort them. If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for all the little military children. They go through such hard times while they are so little.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A Moose and His Toy
Moose is turning out to be a very interesting little guy! It's been pretty cool getting to know him. I was a little nervous when we brought him home because I had no idea what to expect from him and no idea what kind of life he had before. Would he be trained to do anything? Would he have psychological problems from being horribly mistreated? Would he be nervous around people because he was neglected? Would his time spent in the shelter have given him any issues (it is incredibly loud in there!). Would he even be house-broken?
So many questions! But we are gradually getting answers. He doesn't appear to have any serious problems, aside from the submissive urination, which isn't too much of a problem. He is very friendly and affectionate and seems pretty intelligent. I can tell he already loves our family, and he is protective of us and the house.
When we picked him up from the animal hospital, I took a toy that I bought at Walmart for a dollar to give him in the car. I bought such a cheap one because I wasn't sure if he would like it, but I wanted him to have something that didn't have Baxter's smell on it. Well, Moose and that little toy have been inseparable ever since! He takes it everywhere. Even outside to do his non-submissive urinating and other business. Today, I noticed him sitting by the back door for a long time after I had just let him out, and when I finally let him go back out again, he trotted right up to a mound of snow and pulled his toy out of it. He had left it out there and wanted it back! He got a little distracted with some various smells, and left it again when I called him to come in. At first I was like, "Great, now I'm going to have to freeze to death going to get that thing for him because I know he'll want it, and there's no way I can get him to realize that he forgot it", but then I decided to try something crazy, just for the heck of it.
"Moose!", I said. "You forgot your toy!". He stopped in his tracks and did a total cartoon-dog "huh??", with his head cocked to the side and ears perked up, one paw up off the ground. And then I watched in total amazement as he turned around and went back for it! I could not believe he just understood what I said! Cool, right?! I experimented with it a few more times during the day-asking him where his toy was-and he went to get it every time
In other funny-things-Moose-does-with-his-toy news, he likes to carry it around with him, as I mentioned before. Very often, I will be trying to give him a treat and you can just see him struggling with the choice he has to make-hold the toy, or put it down and have a tasty treat? Until today, he would eventually drop the toy, but today he figured out that if he opens his mouth just a little bit, he can keep the toy in there and slowly pull the treat out of my hand. And thus I have determined that Moose is an excellent problem-solver.
I think that's pretty cool, especially since Baxter has only ever been interested in playing with dirty socks. And occasionally a flip-flop.
Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm kind of with smitten him. He's a pretty awesome Moose.
:)
So many questions! But we are gradually getting answers. He doesn't appear to have any serious problems, aside from the submissive urination, which isn't too much of a problem. He is very friendly and affectionate and seems pretty intelligent. I can tell he already loves our family, and he is protective of us and the house.
When we picked him up from the animal hospital, I took a toy that I bought at Walmart for a dollar to give him in the car. I bought such a cheap one because I wasn't sure if he would like it, but I wanted him to have something that didn't have Baxter's smell on it. Well, Moose and that little toy have been inseparable ever since! He takes it everywhere. Even outside to do his non-submissive urinating and other business. Today, I noticed him sitting by the back door for a long time after I had just let him out, and when I finally let him go back out again, he trotted right up to a mound of snow and pulled his toy out of it. He had left it out there and wanted it back! He got a little distracted with some various smells, and left it again when I called him to come in. At first I was like, "Great, now I'm going to have to freeze to death going to get that thing for him because I know he'll want it, and there's no way I can get him to realize that he forgot it", but then I decided to try something crazy, just for the heck of it.
"Moose!", I said. "You forgot your toy!". He stopped in his tracks and did a total cartoon-dog "huh??", with his head cocked to the side and ears perked up, one paw up off the ground. And then I watched in total amazement as he turned around and went back for it! I could not believe he just understood what I said! Cool, right?! I experimented with it a few more times during the day-asking him where his toy was-and he went to get it every time
In other funny-things-Moose-does-with-his-toy news, he likes to carry it around with him, as I mentioned before. Very often, I will be trying to give him a treat and you can just see him struggling with the choice he has to make-hold the toy, or put it down and have a tasty treat? Until today, he would eventually drop the toy, but today he figured out that if he opens his mouth just a little bit, he can keep the toy in there and slowly pull the treat out of my hand. And thus I have determined that Moose is an excellent problem-solver.
I think that's pretty cool, especially since Baxter has only ever been interested in playing with dirty socks. And occasionally a flip-flop.
Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm kind of with smitten him. He's a pretty awesome Moose.
:)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
There's a Moose in My House!!!
Welcome home, Moose!
As I mentioned before, we adopted a new family member! His name is Moose, he's a wirehaired dachshund, and he's been with us for almost a week. So far, he is a perfect fit!
He's definitely not what we started out looking for, but I guess God had other plans! Originally, I wanted a big, scary-looking and (most importantly) lazy dog to make us feel safe while Eric is gone. It was important to me not to have to start from scratch training a puppy (I do not have time!), so I was looking for an adult dog, at least 2 and preferably 3 or 4 years old. So I started watching Craigslist, the classifieds, and the Fairbanks shelter's website for dogs that might be a good match. And then I happened to scroll past a picture of Moose.
As I mentioned before, we adopted a new family member! His name is Moose, he's a wirehaired dachshund, and he's been with us for almost a week. So far, he is a perfect fit!
He's definitely not what we started out looking for, but I guess God had other plans! Originally, I wanted a big, scary-looking and (most importantly) lazy dog to make us feel safe while Eric is gone. It was important to me not to have to start from scratch training a puppy (I do not have time!), so I was looking for an adult dog, at least 2 and preferably 3 or 4 years old. So I started watching Craigslist, the classifieds, and the Fairbanks shelter's website for dogs that might be a good match. And then I happened to scroll past a picture of Moose.
This looks like a big, scary guard dog, right? Right??
Ok, so not really. But no matter what other dogs I looked at, I just kept coming back to the picture of Moose. And eventually I decided to go check him out, because I just couldn't resist that sweet face. It was love at first sight. I met him at the shelter and I didn't even have to think about it that long. I signed the paperwork and Moose came home the next day, after being sent to the animal hospital to be neutered.
They have told us that he's about 2 years old. He is very friendly and happy, and appears to be house trained, except for the occasional submissive urination incident (do not scare Moose, please. At least not on the carpet). It was a little testy at first, introducing him to Baxter, but they are pretty good buddies now. They are pretty much always together. Moose loves the boys, and the boys love Moose. The shelter told me he would have to warm up to the small childen, but he seemed to take to them right away. They don't even make him pee. :)
He is pretty calm, and loves to play with squeaky toys. His favorite game is fetch, and he will sit up and beg you to throw his toy for as long as it takes. And he has the best dog eyebrows I've ever seen!
So, maybe not a guard dog, but that's ok! Welcome home, Moose!
And for anyone in Fairbanks who is looking for a dog, please go to the shelter! It is such a quick, easy process, not nearly as expensive as buying a purebred puppy, and they have so many sweet dogs!
Back to the Grind
Sigh. Block leave is over tomorrow. It's depressing.
We had such a nice time. We started with a trip to Chena Hot Springs for just me and Eric. Our good friends kept the boys for us, and we had an awesome time! Then we went to see the new Narnia movie with friends, went Christmas Eve ice skating and to the candllelight service at church. Christmas morning-watched the boys open all their presents, and then had Christmas dinner with good friends. Then Eric and I got to go see Tron in 3D at the IMAX, which was absolutely amazing! And we did a lot of resting and hanging out! Went down to the shelter and adopted our newest family member, Moose the wirehaired dachshund, who is fitting in beautifully! We did some more resting and hanging out, went New Year's Eve ice skating and then had dinner out with friends and then went home for a low-key New Year's Eve together. We spent New Year's Day with more wonderful friends, having a delicious dinner and playing cards, and now here we are on the last day of leave.
Sigh. Back to getting up really early, running around like crazy all day and not seeing a whole lot of Daddy. And we have a month or so of that before Eric has to leave for a longish training exercise that I have no idea what to expect from. And then of course, not long after that is over will come the deployment. Double sigh.
I know you're supposed to be optimistic and excited about what a new year can bring, but thinking about the year that we are facing makes me feel tired, sad, and lonely. Just being honest! I am trying to have faith that God is in control and that that this will work for our good somehow, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a daily struggle. I just don't want to have my family pulled apart for so long. It hurts to think about it.
But God IS in control, and He WILL use these circumstances for good! I just need to remember that. If anyone is wondering how to pray for us, pray that we will be able to remember that. Pray that God will give us the strength to get through whatever is coming our way and that we will be able to be a testimony to His love and power.
We had such a nice time. We started with a trip to Chena Hot Springs for just me and Eric. Our good friends kept the boys for us, and we had an awesome time! Then we went to see the new Narnia movie with friends, went Christmas Eve ice skating and to the candllelight service at church. Christmas morning-watched the boys open all their presents, and then had Christmas dinner with good friends. Then Eric and I got to go see Tron in 3D at the IMAX, which was absolutely amazing! And we did a lot of resting and hanging out! Went down to the shelter and adopted our newest family member, Moose the wirehaired dachshund, who is fitting in beautifully! We did some more resting and hanging out, went New Year's Eve ice skating and then had dinner out with friends and then went home for a low-key New Year's Eve together. We spent New Year's Day with more wonderful friends, having a delicious dinner and playing cards, and now here we are on the last day of leave.
Sigh. Back to getting up really early, running around like crazy all day and not seeing a whole lot of Daddy. And we have a month or so of that before Eric has to leave for a longish training exercise that I have no idea what to expect from. And then of course, not long after that is over will come the deployment. Double sigh.
I know you're supposed to be optimistic and excited about what a new year can bring, but thinking about the year that we are facing makes me feel tired, sad, and lonely. Just being honest! I am trying to have faith that God is in control and that that this will work for our good somehow, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a daily struggle. I just don't want to have my family pulled apart for so long. It hurts to think about it.
But God IS in control, and He WILL use these circumstances for good! I just need to remember that. If anyone is wondering how to pray for us, pray that we will be able to remember that. Pray that God will give us the strength to get through whatever is coming our way and that we will be able to be a testimony to His love and power.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Running the Race
Hebrews 12:1-2
Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which entangles
us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our
eyes on Jesus.
I came across this verse the other day when I was having a particularly bad "I-Hate-Army-Life" day. Isn't it cool how God puts things in front of our eyes, right when we most need to see them?
Also found these great quotes in my Faith Deployed devotional book:
"Many military wives see themselves as victims of their husband's
career. We need to accept our circumstances from God, trusting that He
unerringly knows what is best for us. We need to move from the attitude of
victim to an attitude of stewardship. We need to ask, 'God, how can I
use my difficult circumstance or disability to serve You and glorify
You?'" Patti Morse
"I am called to be a military wife. God knew I could do it when He
gave me the assignment" Amy Macleod
And heard this in a song at Regenerate Her at church last Friday. (yes, it totally made me cry) :
"I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now.
Breath of Heaven,
hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of Heaven.
Breath of Heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me Your holiness,
For You are holy"
And last! This is from the devotional book they gave out at Regenerate Her. I love the thought of God calling me to be an Army wife. I think because Eric and I got married so young, a lot of people probably think we just stumbled into the military and we are going to go through the pain of deployment as a kind of consequence for making the choice to get married so young. But I am learning that God has called us to this. This is our place. He put us here. We are here for a reason. And so this quote stuck out to me:
"Slowly, the Master Painter, creator of the heavenlies, takes each
pain, tear, scar, and wound, and in His time, and in His way, He makes a
masterpiece".
:)
John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Bitter
That's how I'm feeling today. I was looking through some resource websites for military families and came across some "long-distance-dad" books with ideas on how to parent "from a distance".
Or, you know, the other side of the world.
But most of them are written with business travelers or divorced parents in mind. They have suggestions like "buy your child a speaker phone and set it on the dinner table so you can talk with them while they eat, or put it in the bathroom and chat while they get ready for bed". Or, "visit an educational website together and have a virtual field trip, using instant messenger to discuss the websites you visit". And "send one postcard every day for a week from a different place".
Nice, right?
Oh, except my kids dad-as far as I know-is not going to have access to very many phones, computers or souvenir shops. Not to mention the time difference challenges and the fact that he's not likely to be able to sit on the phone for hours at a time when the kids are actually going through those certain daily routines.
And let's not forget the cost of phone communication. :-/
I try very hard to have a good attitude about Eric's service. I try to have a servant's heart myself, and to be willing to go through all of the really hard times that are ahead of us because I know that Eric's job is very important and I love him and want to support everything that he does. It's just hard to keep the bitterness out sometimes.
Sometimes I can't stop myself from asking the question, "how can the military ask families to go through such long separations?". I know it's a pointless question, and that the answer wouldn't change any of the things that I don't like. I know that asking it only makes the bitter feelings harder to resist, but there are times when I just can't help it.
I don't want our family to be apart for a year. I just don't.
So.....that's where I'm at today. Kinda not a great place to be, as far as my attitude goes, but I don't want to be one of "those" wives who pretends to love EVERYTHING about military life ALL. THE. TIME. We all know at least one of "those". And they are annoying.
I don't think God expects me to live this life and never struggle with it. In fact, I think he knows that I am struggling right now, because one of my bestest friends suggested a girls-only overnight getaway to Chena Hot Springs this weekend. Haven't had one of those......ever! Hard to stay too bitter/angry when I know I have that to look forward to in just a few days!
:)
Or, you know, the other side of the world.
But most of them are written with business travelers or divorced parents in mind. They have suggestions like "buy your child a speaker phone and set it on the dinner table so you can talk with them while they eat, or put it in the bathroom and chat while they get ready for bed". Or, "visit an educational website together and have a virtual field trip, using instant messenger to discuss the websites you visit". And "send one postcard every day for a week from a different place".
Nice, right?
Oh, except my kids dad-as far as I know-is not going to have access to very many phones, computers or souvenir shops. Not to mention the time difference challenges and the fact that he's not likely to be able to sit on the phone for hours at a time when the kids are actually going through those certain daily routines.
And let's not forget the cost of phone communication. :-/
I try very hard to have a good attitude about Eric's service. I try to have a servant's heart myself, and to be willing to go through all of the really hard times that are ahead of us because I know that Eric's job is very important and I love him and want to support everything that he does. It's just hard to keep the bitterness out sometimes.
Sometimes I can't stop myself from asking the question, "how can the military ask families to go through such long separations?". I know it's a pointless question, and that the answer wouldn't change any of the things that I don't like. I know that asking it only makes the bitter feelings harder to resist, but there are times when I just can't help it.
I don't want our family to be apart for a year. I just don't.
So.....that's where I'm at today. Kinda not a great place to be, as far as my attitude goes, but I don't want to be one of "those" wives who pretends to love EVERYTHING about military life ALL. THE. TIME. We all know at least one of "those". And they are annoying.
I don't think God expects me to live this life and never struggle with it. In fact, I think he knows that I am struggling right now, because one of my bestest friends suggested a girls-only overnight getaway to Chena Hot Springs this weekend. Haven't had one of those......ever! Hard to stay too bitter/angry when I know I have that to look forward to in just a few days!
:)
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